A Mother's Truth Behind The First Day Of Kindergarten

So the day finally came, the day that had crossed my mind since my baby was born. The first day of kindergarten...

The alarm went off early and the fun began! We fixed his hair just right, picked the perfect outfit, and loaded my camera with pictures. Then off we went for a new adventure. As I walked Jakson through the hallways of his new school, he politely asked if he could just walk next to me instead of holding my hand. I smiled and just tried to hold back the tears. The truth is, when your baby goes to kindergarten you're not crying because you'll be missing them (although, yes you do miss them), you're holding back the tears for so much more.

As a mother, I've been there for practically every moment of my son's life. The thought of not knowing what he's doing at this very moment is well, strange, almost unsettling. I watch the clock wondering if he ate his veggies at lunch, if he made friends on the playground, if he's being kind to his peers, if he said his please and thank you's, or if he's even having fun.

I won't be able to kiss Jakson's hurts or hug him if he gets his feelings hurt. I can't be there to intervene if he's being teased or make sure he doesn't sit by himself at lunch. When he's faced with peer pressure I can't guide him to make the right decision. Oh, the pains of being a mother.

I know everyday will get easier. Easier to trust, trust that I've instilled great values and morals. And trust that we've raised a son who will make good choices when faced with tough decisions. So the first day of kindergarten is much more to a mother than a special day. It's the moment a mother realizes that it's only the beginning of truly letting your child begin to grow up without you right by their side.