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Whitney and I have a goal of her being at home full-time with Abram as soon we can make it happen. We our arranging things around our home to make this possible and we are hoping the time comes sooner, rather than later! However, we are making things work in the mean time. What this consists of is Whitney working a lot of weekend days. It kills me to miss out on that time with all of us together as a family, but there is a bright side....Father, Son Days.
I am not sure if I ever really thought about how much time I would miss out on with Abram while I am at work. After 5 months of Abram being a part of our family, I realize what a sacrifice it will be to be the sole financial provider, but I commend all the parents who have made this sacrifice, including you Mom and Dad! I believe God knew this would be a struggle that I would run into and has therefore provided me a number of days of just him and I. Again, I would want nothing else but to have our whole family home, but until that day comes I believe this is God's plan of giving me some precious moments with Abram.
I know I will forever hold these moments close to my heart. I am so thankful for the times when he flashes his HUGE, toothless smile my way. Or, when he pauses mid-gulp of his bottle to stare at me until I smile at him, only to flash that patented grin of his. Or, when he does his screeching/singing/playing sound over and over; although painful to the ears at times, I would have it no other way. Or, when he takes down his reflux medicine better by the day...I hate giving him his medicine, but his growth in taking each gulp down only shows the growing up he has done already! Or, when I am doing something completely goofy, only to have him stare at me the way Whitney does sometimes (I can just hear her voice when he does this -- "what are you doing, you goof?!").
Whitney will someday soon (hopefully!) be able to stay at home with our little rugrat full-time. When that time comes, the times with just Abram and I will be fewer. It warms my heart to know that I already have these special times, that I will have hundreds more of these moments, and that Whitney will love and hold him every hour of the work day when I can't be there. Everything happens for a reason. So, while Whit continues to work, I will gladly embrace all of these Father, Son moments with my little Abester.
As a parent I don't have the option to call in sick. I can't just call my three year old up and say, "Sorry honey, mommy is running a fever today so you and your little sister are on your own!" Nope, you get up, pop in a few dozen Advil and pray you can make it through the day. Sometimes, if I'm lucky my "doctor" even makes house calls!
This week has been tough trying keep up with three kids while feeling achy and tired. Most days have been filled with quiet activities, like puzzles, reading books, and coloring. Nap times have been a must and house wide betimes have been around 8:30/9.
Yesterday I finally started thinking I would be getting better since I started my antibiotics. Except at 2 am I was awakened by a terrible burning itch all over my body. It basically looks like I have some form of leprosy.
Apparently I'm allergic to the medicine prescribed, just my luck! So now I'm trying to survive in this house both achy and itchy. Hopefully we are nearing the end of all this and life will resume as normal!
In the blink of an eye, nine months has passed, your baby is finally here, and then boom...your baby is 3 months old and maternity leave is over. It seriously goes by so fast, I can't believe it! I took a full 12 weeks off and it was AMAZING. Don't get me wrong, I really love being a nurse. I love thinking outside of the box while taking care of the tiny human population and I also love the people I work with, but I fell more in love with being at home with my baby in those weeks away from work. As my first day back to work was approaching, I was honestly okay with it. I was dropping from full time to part time (2-12 hour shifts per week) and I figured the adult interaction and conversation at work would be good for me after a super long winter at home with a newborn. Not to mention, Rick would be working from home on the days I worked, so one of us was always going to be with Abram. It was truly the perfect little set up.
The first few weeks went by and everything was just fine. It was great to be back at the bedside taking care of patients and it was nice to be seeing all of my work friends again. I wasn't at all concerned about things at home because Abram was happy as a clam with his dad. Unfortunately, just this past week things have had to change a little bit, so being at work has become a little bit harder for me. Rick is now back in the office full time, so we had to have our first full day with a babysitter. It is not that I was worried about his care at all, I knew he would be fine (he was with his aunt, after all). I was more worried about the fact that if he had a meltdown, Rick or I couldn't be there to comfort him and take care of him. Abram is a super good baby, but all babies get fussy and I hate putting that fussiness on anyone else to deal with. So, here I am at work, taking care of two little peanuts that belong to someone else, while I have someone at my house, taking care of my little peanut. It just makes me sad because he is only this little for so long, and while I am only at work for 13.5 hours, I don't see him before work and he is in bed for the night when I get home, so I always feel like I'm going to miss out on something.
For now, work is a necessity and I am beyond grateful that Rick and I both have jobs that we love. In the meantime, however, I am working on enjoying every single moment that I get with Abram on my days off and not worrying about the days I'm not with him. I play, sing, dance, and laugh with him all day long and I love it. When I do have to work, I always come home and give him a kiss on the head, thanking God that my little boy is so healthy and happy. My most favorite thing though, is when I go to get him first thing in the morning the day after I work: he never fails to give me a huge, happy grin from his little face when he sees me. That alone takes away all of my worries and reassures me that everything is okay. I'm not the first mom to work and I definitely won't be the last, but regardless, it will always be hard for us moms. It is hard to leave that precious baby in someone else's hands and for me, I think it has been especially hard swallowing the fact that he is going to be just fine without me there 24/7.
It is in these moments when I have to leave my little boy that I remind myself, life is short and it is up to us to live joyously in the life we have been given. Until the day I can be home full time, I will work diligently in my roles as both nurse and mom. However, when that day does come and I can solely work from home taking care of my
family, I will fully embrace the gift that that is.
Hopefully, Abram will too...
