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Monday, March 31, 2014

Meet Ester Jade

With every stride I took, my legs ached even more, begging me to stop. I knew my apartment was just up the hill and around the corner, I could do it, I could force myself to run for ten more minutes. It seemed like it had gone like this for the past four weeks. Every time I ran, I was struggling to survive. Okay, okay, so maybe I had been eating more ‘Little Debbie’ snacks and staying up later since I moved in with my long time boyfriend a few months ago, but come on, I’ve been a runner now for almost six years, there is no excuse!
I dragged my feet as I opened the front door and I went straight for the dreaded scale. It had been almost a week since my last weigh in and I just knew my numbers would be down since I had logged more than 30 miles. As I stood there watching the numbers rise to an all time high of mine, I knew something wasn’t right. I paced the bathroom floor and I knew what I had to do. Fifteen minutes later I was standing in line at CVS buying not one, but four pregnancy tests. I tried not to make eye contact with the cashier, feeling awkward and uncomfortable as I imagined what she must be thinking. I decided to grab a couple packs of gum and a candy bar, just to distract her from all my pregnancy tests! I took my bag and got out of there.

When I returned Jason had come home from his 30 hour shift at the hospital and was watching TV. With no time to loose, I rushed in, gave him a kiss, and went straight to the bathroom. As I stood there waiting for the sticks to determine my future, I had a flood of mixed emotions run through me. Four tests later, I was certain that my fate had been decided for nine months my life would change forever.

I had always imagined that the moment I would tell my husband we were expecting our first, it would be this magical firework experience. We’d both be crying tears of joy, hugging each other, and be floating on a cloud of baby bliss. But as I opened the bathroom door and sat on the couch next to Jason that was all forgotten. “Im pregnant,” I blurted out. Jason sat up, and with a puzzled look asked, “Are you sure?!” I began to cry, not tears of joy, but tears of fear and confusion. Jason just held me, and it seemed like we sat that way forever.

Months later, after we had gotten married and had my baby shower, Jason came home with a book called, “Oh Baby, The Places You will Go.” We snuggled up on the couch and he began to read the book to my belly. As I sat there listening to my husband read to our unborn son, I began to feel him move inside. That moment, the moment he shifted, was the when my mind and my emotions shifted. It was the the first time I felt God’s peace in my heart, it was the moment I knew that He had everything under control, and I knew He had big plans for us as a family. And it was in that moment that I could finally say I Guess I'm Due. I was finally floating on my cloud of baby bliss.

And well, five years later, God did have big plans for us, bigger and better plans than I could have ever dreamed of. We now have three little blessings, Jakson (5), Lilliana (3), and Raina (20 months) and our life is complete with chaos, laughter, big messes, plenty of dirty diapers, and countless I Guess I'm Due moments, welcome to my world!

“Out there things can happen and frequently do, to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Dont stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too. Oh the places you’ll go!”- Dr. Suess

    Photographer: Kristen Dunn Photography, Matias Barbero Photography