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Tuesday, June 3, 2014

returning to work

In the blink of an eye, nine months has passed, your baby is finally here, and then boom...your baby is 3 months old and maternity leave is over.  It seriously goes by so fast, I can't believe it!  I took a full 12 weeks off and it was AMAZING.  Don't get me wrong, I really love being a nurse.  I love thinking outside of the box while taking care of the tiny human population and I also love the people I work with, but I fell more in love with being at home with my baby in those weeks away from work.   As my first day back to work was approaching, I was honestly okay with it.  I was dropping from full time to part time (2-12 hour shifts per week) and I figured the adult interaction and conversation at work would be good for me after a super long winter at home with a newborn.  Not to mention, Rick would be working from home on the days I worked, so one of us was always going to be with Abram.  It was truly the perfect little set up.  

The first few weeks went by and everything was just fine.  It was great to be back at the bedside taking care of patients and it was nice to be seeing all of my work friends again.  I wasn't at all concerned about things at home because Abram was happy as a clam with his dad.  Unfortunately, just this past week things have had to change a little bit, so being at work has become a little bit harder for me.  Rick is now back in the office full time, so we had to have our first full day with a babysitter. It is not that I was worried about his care at all, I knew he would be fine (he was with his aunt, after all).  I was more worried about the fact that if he had a meltdown, Rick or I couldn't be there to comfort him and take care of him. Abram is a super good baby, but all babies get fussy and I hate putting that fussiness on anyone else to deal with.  So, here I am at work, taking care of two little peanuts that belong to someone else, while I have someone at my house, taking care of my little peanut.  It just makes me sad because he is only this little for so long, and while I am only at work for 13.5 hours, I don't see him before work and he is in bed for the night when I get home, so I always feel like I'm going to miss out on something.

For now, work is a necessity and I am beyond grateful that Rick and I both have jobs that we love.  In the meantime, however, I am working on enjoying every single moment that I get with Abram on my days off and not worrying about the days I'm not with him.  I play, sing, dance, and laugh with him all day long and I love it.  When I do have to work, I always come home and give him a kiss on the head, thanking God that my little boy is so healthy and happy.  My most favorite thing though, is when I go to get him first thing in the morning the day after I work: he never fails to give me a huge, happy grin from his little face when he sees me.  That alone takes away all of my worries and reassures me that everything is okay.  I'm not the first mom to work and I definitely won't be the last, but regardless, it will always be hard for us moms.  It is hard to leave that precious baby in someone else's hands and for me, I think it has been especially hard swallowing the fact that he is going to be just fine without me there 24/7.  

It is in these moments when I have to leave my little boy that I remind myself, life is short and it is up to us to live joyously in the life we have been given.  Until the day I can be home full time, I will work diligently in my roles as both nurse and mom.  However, when that day does come and I can solely work from home taking care of my
family, I will fully embrace the gift that that is.

Hopefully, Abram will too...

1 comment:

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